"Getting to know you...

....getting to know all about you!" Sorry - I couldn't resist! The King and I is my Mom's favorite play and I grew up singing this song. As an Army Wife, I was thrown into a whole new set of rules when we moved to our current post. One that involved making lots of friends, and making them fast.

In college, I feel like every time you met a new person, you opened with the same questions. Where are you from? Where did you go to high school? Did you know ____? (Because, inevitably, you probably knew SOMEONE from that area.) What are you majoring in? Etc., etc. And that was good enough to jump start a conversation until you go to the more interesting stuff.

I've been to several Army functions since we moved here in August, and I'm seeing the same sort of pattern in conversations here. Where did y'all PCS from? (For my non-miltary readers, PCS is your Permanent Change of Station, or when you get your next post assignment.) Do you work? How long have y'all been in the military? It's all the same thing - I sometimes feel like I should walk into events wearing a sign that says: "This is my first duty station. I work from home doing college admissions, I'm still learning the ropes of army life, and NO we don't have any kids."

But this has got me thinking - there's got to be better questions to ask. Ones that really spark conversation, that get to the root of who a person is, not their last duty station, and avoids the inevitable over personal questions like "When are you going to have kids?" (Because, really, it's nobody's business but yours and your significant others.)

So here is what I came up with - my tips and tricks (still untested!) for a better ice-breaking conversation! I'm going to use my military situations as examples, but I really feel like these are applicable to every situation.

• Prepare in advance - 99% of the time, you'll have an idea of where you're going and who is going to be there. The Brigade Ball? Everyone and their mother will be there. The company-wide FRG meeting? Enlisted men and officers plus their families. FRG coffee? Just the officer's wives, plus the wives of the Command Sergeant Major and the 1st Sergeant. Knowing your audience can help you prepare to talk to distinguished veterans or children - and everyone in-between. 
• Ask for advice - In my situation, it feels like everyone has been an Army wife longer than me. In the past I may have let that intimidate me, but I've realized these women are a huge resource to me! They are experts on everything from how to handle my husband's 13 hour work days to post etiquette, and if I have a question, I should ask them. 
• Listen - I know this one sounds like a no-brainer, but think of how often you're talking to someone while scrolling on your phone, scanning the room, or thinking of your next question or the story you want to add to the conversation. Listen to what the person you're interacting with is saying, and if you need to, take a beat to collect your thoughts when they're done before speaking again. 
• Ask why - Sure, it's easy to go into auto-pilot and start reverting to "What did you major in?" or "Where did you go to college?" questions, and if you find yourself there, dig a little deeper. The person you're talking to studied engineering? Why did they choose that major? You may find out about a skill or passion of theirs that will help you down the road.
• Follow up - If you really hit it off with someone, ask them out on a friend date! It's easy to go from acquaintances to friends, and who doesn't need more friends? In my Army Life it's nice to have other women who know what we're going through, and when our husbands deploy, I know I'll have a network of friends to depend upon. Get a phone number and arrange a lunch, or drinks, or even a pot luck with your families. (For me and my friends, our fur babies come everywhere with us!) For us Army Wives though, this can get a little complicated when ranks come into play, but luckily rules are getting a little more laxed, and if our husbands aren't in the same company or battalion, you're probably in the clear. (I say probably because there are some sticklers out there, but our men know how to be professionals.)

What tips do you have to make conversations more interesting and less robotic?